in which i revel in girlishness.

i would like to admit, once and for all, that i am a girl. i like tea parties, lacy things, and pink. i also feel insecure, awkward and sometimes even have jealous tendencies. i wish that i was confident in the fact that i am a beautiful woman.  i am amazing. i have brought three beautiful children into this world (without any painkillers, while i’m gloating), i am married to the most generous and tender man, i am kind and thoughtful, i am witty and clever, i would want to be my own best friend if i happened to be anyone else!

yet i am plagued with these insecurities. these ideas that i am clunky, not pretty, uninvited, too loud, too invasive, too opinionated at the same time not sharing my opinion enough! (it is amazing the contradictions i will come up with to continue the self-flagellation)

but i cannot blame others, though this sick society that disrespects women and girls at every turn does nothing to aid confidence. no, the blame lays on myself for letting this attitude permeate my thinking long past girlhood.

right now: i am coming clean. while i am a girl woman, i am strong and determined. and i have made up my mind to put aside these girlish tendencies and embrace myself. if not for myself, for the sake of my daughters.

if i don’t like me, how can i expect anyone else to?

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “in which i revel in girlishness.

  1. Oh I can so relate. I’m just coming to terms with the following:
    1. I love make up even though I rarely wear it.
    2. I like to wear dresses.
    3. I just bought some super girly gold sandals & I LOVE them.
    4. I enjoy curling my hair.
    5. I love my vagina.
    Yep. I said it. I love my vagina.

  2. Hi! i am a friend of Vanessa’s, and i am not sure what made me click on your name in her comments section today, but i am so glad i did! i really needed to read this post today. there is so much pressure on women to be “perfect” today, that it’s almost impossible to love ourselves as the perfectly imperfect women we are! thank you for your openness and honesty!

    amber

    *i hope it’s not weird that i commented on this:)

    • hi! i’m glad you found me 🙂 there is a lot of (too much) pressure on women to be “perfect”, from far too many sources. i think a lot of the problem, at least for me, is from the cycle of judging other women and then feeling like other women are constantly judging me… yes there is judgment, but how much of it is simply perceived versus in reality? but it can stop with loving ourselves and being the capable and strong women we all are meant to be!

      i don’t find it weird that you commented, i’m happy you did!

  3. You know I think you are a beautiful Mommy and Women… (Yes you are still on my google reader and I wish it wasn’t just so…) Go plant some flowers and feel all girly playing in your flower bed!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s