i would like to admit, once and for all, that i am a girl. i like tea parties, lacy things, and pink. i also feel insecure, awkward and sometimes even have jealous tendencies. i wish that i was confident in the fact that i am a beautiful woman. i am amazing. i have brought three beautiful children into this world (without any painkillers, while i’m gloating), i am married to the most generous and tender man, i am kind and thoughtful, i am witty and clever, i would want to be my own best friend if i happened to be anyone else!
yet i am plagued with these insecurities. these ideas that i am clunky, not pretty, uninvited, too loud, too invasive, too opinionated at the same time not sharing my opinion enough! (it is amazing the contradictions i will come up with to continue the self-flagellation)
but i cannot blame others, though this sick society that disrespects women and girls at every turn does nothing to aid confidence. no, the blame lays on myself for letting this attitude permeate my thinking long past girlhood.
right now: i am coming clean. while i am a girl woman, i am strong and determined. and i have made up my mind to put aside these girlish tendencies and embrace myself. if not for myself, for the sake of my daughters.
if i don’t like me, how can i expect anyone else to?